Happy Coming Out Week!

This week was Sex, Gender, and Sexuality Week in class and little did I know it was also the week of Coming Out Day. We did an interesting reading on Sexuality and watch one of my favorite movies, But I'm A Cheerleader. Instead of watching the movies on the list and do a deep critical analysis on the articles we read, I think this time I will be introducing a more personable and modern account on Sexuality, e.i. Me coming out up to now.

All in youth, I was deeply rooted in the Church. Everything from Choir, Usher board, and Youth Committee I was apart of it. At that time I "Loved the Lord and I Wouldn't Take It Back". The church was that little light that gave hope to people who were non believers to come to Christ and repent for their sins. Their sins?  They range from many things but you do come across a few sins that gets you called things like abominations, disgusting, and gets you condemned straight to hell. Little did I know, my "Sin" would set me apart from the rest lol. As time progressed, I grew up noticing my interest in guys but never acted upon it because I didn't wanna go to hell. Sadly that's how I thought about it but I was young and dumb. Until that one day where I was hanging out with a friend from church at bible camp and it was confirmed.... I like guys lol. That moment was never discussed between us and it never resurfaced, it was almost like that moment someone says, "Hey try this flavor of ice cream!", and it tastes like a spoon full of heaven but you can never find that brand when you go grocery shopping again.

Now in the reading Sexuality, MacKinnon made some points about Sex and Gender being about Power. I would have to beg the differ and say it s about pleasure; those caught up in motives outside of sex and gender expression just find the power inside the abilities of sex. I was not on board with the perspective MacKinnon took on diving and discussing  sexuality because it felt like she was running a Critic on Sexuality. I can understand that at the time it was very taboo and slowly rising about the many layers of thing that pop up in modern day discussions however I just feel like MacKinnon could have given a more holistic account of sexuality then just bashing the status quo. Sex is more than just centering one gender or the other as the pagan god of our hormones but the fulfillment of the sensual stroke and to bring forth an offspring.

After some years that moment came again and the same person who validated my peculiar tastes engaged me in a more evolved form of interaction. It was not as the curious cat flowing the laser dot anymore, it because the curious cat , touching itself in its reflection. He was just as curious and enticed as I was but the moment came to a halt because he didn't want to go to hell either, which is understandable. I didn't feel the same way, in retrospect. Who was this group of people to justify what I found as pleasure and enjoyment as a unclean sin. What puzzled me even more was there was different sins being flashed in all forms and ways but hinting to being queer, the people's faces curl in disgust and others grin with dirty thoughts.

In the movie 4th Man Out is a movie about a young man coming out to his group of friends and they end up overcoming their initial homosexual fears to help him find love. They try to give him pointers and suggestions via dating tips but the gay friend wasn't having any luck because, bless his soul but, he was not a charmer. He had no kind of game and seemed a bit out of touch with himself. Sex was not trying to climb the corporate ladder and take over the next billion dollar company. Sex was not trying to manipulate anyone into getting him into the exclusive hot spots. Sex for him was just trying to settle down and find his happiness in someone else.

Granted after that interaction with the guy that thought our interactions were sending us to hell whether we liked it or not, I started to align myself outside of the church because I couldn't continue to see myself believing in something that wished nothing but damnation on my soul lol. I started to enlighten myself about sex, sexuality, and other religions that aren't so damnable to those who have different tastes than others and honestly, I feel a hell of a lot better. Not because I fear "hell", not because I want power (well...... in other ways) but because I embraced me, my gay, my queer, and my own experience.