After reading In
Families, Friends, and Special Obligations and watching the film Lost in Translation, I am left wondering
how can we define the relationship between Bill Murray’s character Bob Harris
and Scarlett Johansson’s Charlotte.
Diane Jeske says that, “Friendships…seems to be an instance
of a relationship that individuals choose to enter and maintain”. Then she
investigates the nature of friendships by pointing out that “persons do not
enter friendships in single discrete acts such as those involved in making a
promise or a contract.” She continues saying that “friendships are constituted
by complex clusters of actions and attitudes, they are relationships of intimacy
and expressed concern“ (439).
But as Jeske points out, it is not always easy to determine
if two people are friends. She asks, “Is the person whom one plays tennis with
twice a week a friend?” (440).
If we were to rephrase and place Dr. Jeske’s question within
the context of the film Lost in
Translation, it would look something like “Are two lonely, despairing
spouses who sleep, party, eat together for a few days, but have intimate
conversations they cannot have with their own spouses…meet the qualifications
of being titled as friends?”
What do y'all think?
Jeske says genuine intimacy demands mutuality and
reciprocity. It is evident that Charlotte and Bob have genuine interest in each
other and they reciprocate it. It seems this intimacy is established in Bob's and
Charlotte’s state of life. Both are married and unhappy, and they are seeking
the purpose/meaning in life. The youthful, adventurous Charlotte looks to the older,
wiser Bob to help her in that journey.
So it is apparent the two share a common bond, and this bond
leads to intimacy. However, Charlotte and Bob only develop this bond over a
course of a few days. They then separate, and assumingly never see each other
again. What does this tell us about their relationship? Or friendship (if they
are friends)?
I would argue that Dr. Jeske would say Charlotte and Bob are
not friends, because she views friendship as a mutual commitment/project involving
one another. It is a shared project that both parties develop over a period of
time, and this project is developed and maintained. By her standard, it would
seem that the two abandoned their mutual project (if there even was one). Bob
goes home to his wife and family, and Charlotte is left in Tokyo with her
husband. Their obligations aren’t to each other, but instead to the people they
promised to be committed to in their marriage. Bob is obviously struggling immensely in this regard, considering the fact he (presumingly) has sex with the bar singer. It can also be inferred that Charlotte is second-guessing her marriage, too, with her loneliness and wild-nights out with Bob. However, in the end it would seem they appreciated and
enjoyed each others time, but they have obligations and duties they must do their best to adhere to.
I definitely think that you're on point with what Jeske would state about their friendship (or lack there of). However, I can't help but wonder if this is a flaw in her philosophy. You can tell that Charlotte and Bob both had a huge dedication to each other. They are both committed and seemingly try to make each other happy. It really parallels Casablanca to me. Can we really say that they didn't share a friendship? I mean, they met Jeske's definition to a tee, except for keeping it long term. That would be like saying that Rick didn't love Ilsa because he let her go, you know? I feel like there's some sort of flaw in her explanation. It's hard to say, after having such intimate chats and moments, that their fleeting friendship was invalid and something about that feels wrong to me. Who knows? Maybe it's just the romantic in me, ha!
ReplyDeleteI agree completely Destiny! I think their might be a flaw in what Jeske says, because it seems like Charlotte and Bob do really care for each other. However, they have to go their separate ways. Kind of like Rick and Isla like you said.
DeleteMaybe, Jeske would use her lifeguard example on page 436 to describe Bob and Charlotte's relationship. She might argue that it is Bob's duty to offer mutual aid to Charlotte, since he seems to be the only one their to save (or help) her from drowning in despair. She might also say that it is Charlotte's duty to offer aid to Bob (who is also seemingly growing in despair). She might say they are both just fulfilling their temporal obligations (that sounds really cold and unromantic ha). I don't know though. I do think, generally, what Jeske says about relationships and friendships is true though. But I still don't know if she would call Bob and Charlotte friends!
I would say that a friendship can exist without having to meet a time spent together requirement. Many friendships eventually end as people go their separate ways or fall apart but it doesn't negate that they existed. I can't speak to any opinion of Bob and Charlotte's relationship as I have not seen it but I personally find it completely plausible for a friendship to be had of the span of just a few days. As long as they have invested themselves into being apart of the others life there is a relationship there. How strong that relationship is can vary easily. Ultimately it is choosing to form a bonding and be, even for a short period of time, obligated to someone that forms a relationship.
ReplyDeleteI kind of agree with you. For example, I think many people probably have made friends with people in High school or college, but then these relationships come to an end once they both graduate. There is still a relationship there, but they are just not in contact with one another. However, just because they are not in contact with one another, it doesn't mean they aren't still friends.
DeleteYou are right when you say that according to Jeske they are not friends, but her definition is not the only definition of friendship. If you ask the two parties if they consider themselves friends, they would probably say yes. They probably feel something for each other on some level. This can still be true even if they are not friends on the surface. We all have those select few we feel a bond with even if we do not consider ourselves "friends."
ReplyDeleteI agree completely Ben. According to Jeske, Bob and Charlotte aren't friends, but according to other (or most) definitions they likely are considered friends. There is a degree of intimacy between Bob and Charlotte, which cannot be denied. As Nick was kind of saying, just because people have to go their separate ways (after becoming friends) it doesn't their friendship never happened or stops.
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